There’s many things I’ve seen the past 6 months, it was a difficult struggle. My final semester broke me apart. It was where I saw the other side of me. It was a difficult test of faith. People, who you once wanted to reached out your hand to, but you realized after being sucked into the culture of how the world do things. It become like one of them. I guessed, I didn’t have much support either from my friends who points me to God. I’m also too busy with my work that I truly enjoyed and love that I can’t just seem to get away from it. Basically to sum it up, I was just a complete wreck.
Though, I go through the routines of church on Sundays, serving and reading of bibles. I knew it was like a ritual. And I didn’t want it to happen, and schoolwork was insane. I couldn’t cope with reading the bible. That season was a MAD rush. But the only thing I could barely do, hang on to was my shower time. My shower time, were the most precious and special to me. That’s the time where I’ll be able to talk to God and pray, sing and worship. Despite not being able to read the bible, and that there’s no peace and complete distraction in the room, the house. But I remember that’s where I met Jesus in my showers.
The thought, that dwells deep in my heart, I know it doesn’t just happen to me alone. I have seen many good friends, great pals who are believers are struggling hard with this as well. Sunday church, is like a routine. Going for the sake of going? It has reached a point months ago I’ve asked this question. a lot of us, are tired and weary and finding it hard to fight on in this faith of Christ Jesus. But deep down inside, I recognizes that it is Jesus who prevails. He’s the truth, the way and the life. Nobody, nothing can ever make this untrue. Truth prevails.
I’m walking and journeying back after been swept into a whirl for a season. I’ve seen much, heard much said too much. But in Christ, all is righteous as His grace and mercy rains for His children, not to take advantage of. But it’s a good curve for me to learn. Lots of things happened this season. Unveiled many things, not really. Just ONE huge one. Rejection Issues. It’s a huge baggage. I find it so trying to unlearn some of the things I’ve often looked at from my perspective with a positive and encouraging one. I have lots of worries and thoughts but they are not helping me in life, never at all. It is painful and difficult to get rid of these. It’s a struggle deep within. Yes, it may be because of childhood, family backgrounds, friends. But it doesn’t matter, but it matters that God is with me through this as I take the little steps of faith to walk out of this. It’s really tough. I don’t know how long it probably take my entire days of my life. But taking steps to overcome this is painful and tough.
I wrote this, as a memory of a season of like Jonah. threw off the boat. It is written to those who’s struggling in their walk, that look God won’t abandon ever. Yes, you might not be able to do certain things but look at Him. He is enough. More than enough for your situation. You may feel utterly numb towards God. But no doubt you know deep down inside, you own a piece of memory of Him.
It’s a journey, like a child learning to walk, treading back to the arms of everlasting love.
Btw, Rhythms of Grace- Hillsong United is wonderful. :D